Extract from the wholly fictional minutes of the Society for Peculiar Acquisitions.
9:10 a.m. Professor Cogsworth announces that the Acquisitor has completed its first unsupervised expedition. The machine returns with a brass knob, half a theatrical mask, a picture frame containing no picture, and the chairman’s hat.
9:13 a.m. The chairman points out that his hat was not lost. Professor Cogsworth replies that acquisition and rescue are, mechanically speaking, adjacent problems.
A clarification of purpose
The Acquisitor is to seek objects with character: unusual tools, things with a story, things that invite making, things which would look faintly suspicious beside a conventional fruit bowl.
It is expressly forbidden to interpret every round object as a pressure gauge. It is also forbidden to add a ninth leg without submitting the appropriate drawing.
11:42 a.m. The machine retrieves a small alphabet board. Dr. Vale pronounces it “a tolerably organized method of being uncertain.” Mr. Quill requests a drawer for it.
Motion carried: the cabinet shall be open to anyone who has ever looked at a strange thing and thought, “I rather like that.”
4:06 p.m. The chairman’s replacement hat is missing. The Society adjourns.